he was just precious, he was a good baby a lot fussier than Mr.Smiles was but we expected them to be complete opposites. At about six months old I noticed that he went from babbling to just screaming a lot. I did brush it off thinking that I was just being hyper vigilant because of Mr.Smiles and his diagnosis.
At about 12 months old The brute did start saying momma and dada, he would also wave and say bye bye :) by 13 months all words were gone he was no longer waving bye bye, no more blowing kisses.
And... I just knew, I knew in my heart exactly what was going on. This time the hubby and I talked some here and there about it, we waited and watched.
by 14months The brute would bite his self when mad, he hardly played with toys. instead he preferred to carry them around having one in each hand. the most concerning was that he was not trying to mimic us at all and had not regained any words.
Off to the pediatrician we went, We were given a referral to a developmental pediatrician because of his age. At 15 months we went in for a eval to check his speech. 4 hours later we left with a diagnosis of a language disorder and AUTISM..
There it was again and this time I was angry (I felt terrible feeling that way ) I was mad at this disorder and what it was taking away from my little boy. I was angry that the one thing I was so terrified of was happening. That he regressed , The fact that he would get so upset that he would bite his self or others. I was terrified thinking about how, my husband and I were going to handle the needs of two boys on the spectrum.
looking back now I no longer feel bad for feeling that way, it was honest and raw and I was hurting for my boys. I wanted to take away how hard life was and would be for them. Back then I felt I was supposed to just pick up and carry on no matter what. Now ill be the first to tell you accept your feelings and work through them, YOU are not wrong for feeling them !
no one can be strong all the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment