Potty training escapades

Potty training!

When we potty trained Mr.Smile he was a breeze, two years old night and day trained in a week.
I knew this would come back to bite me in the butt..


So the Brute has been working on potty training now for awhile. He is doing great 90% dry during the day for pee and dry over night for pee also.

Number 2 is a whole other story. I don't think he quite knows he needs to do that on the potty, we are pretty much taking him every so often to go pee still.

BUT and there is always a BUT when potty training! he has taken to a whole new level of creativity  as to where he goes number 2. So the other night I walked buy his room to this smell and knew immediately than he had pooped. After going into his room I found a excited naked little boy proudly exclaiming in his jabbering voice (what I assume is) "look what I did".

He had removed his underwear and then apparently climbed up on his side table and proceeded to poop, all I could do was laugh.

Of course I had a short convo about using your potty and he happily repeated what I said as he usually does. Can not wait to see where I find poop the next time!😋



               

How do you handle the stares or rude comments

So this is something that I am sure every parent goes through regardless if they are parenting a neuro-typical child or when parenting a child with special needs.
I am also sure it is safe to assume the latter deals with this topic much more often.

My husband and I have dealt with anything from inappropriate staring, dirty looks and even extremely rude comments.
.
Here is one that will always sting alittle, another that shows it just doesn't matter someone will always have something to say and finally one where I realized i'm starting to just not care.

#1, we were at the store and my then 3 year old was in a full blown meltdown. He has sensitivities to sounds and it just so happens as we were going through the parking lot a cars alarm went off. This in turn caused him to cover his ears and become way over stimulated.
A lot of the time once this happens he can not be calmed  down. We just have to ride it out. this is what we did.. placed him in the cart still shrieking and kicking and just kept reassuring him that it was over the sound was gone and he was okay.
unfortunately we live in a world where other ADULTS feel that they can say whatever they feel like because obviously we had no idea how to parent our child "insert eye roll".
A grown man proceeded to walk by and say they need to just beat his a**. '
my husband replied hes autistic and some other profanity i'm sure.

here is the deal though with people who say things like this I have learned they do not care if there is a reason or not. In their mind you should be able to spank your child into behaving regardless.


#2 my mother and I were at lunch with both of the boys, They were happily playing on their tablets and my older son was occasionally talking with us.
Meanwhile I over heard the conversation from the table behind us discussing how terrible parenting we were showing by letting them have their tablets and how this is what is wrong with  children these days.
(I give this occasion as a example of your damned if you do and damned if you don't) Had my boys not been on their tablets i'm sure a meltdown or two would have occurred, they just do not handle restaurants well without distractions.


#3 this one was very recent, we took all three boys to the beach! everyone had a great time and you would never know how my youngest had behaved when it was time to leave, from all the great smiling pictures we took lol.
He just did not want to go, I had already loaded up the back pack and had it on my shoulder when he took off trying to run from me. When I caught him I had one hand holding on to his arm and he went dead weight, trying to pull my hand/arm to his mouth to bite me. Knowing I was going to have to pick him up and lug him all the way back to the car, I was dreading it when he is like that. I pick him up he tries to scratch my face , hit me and throw my glasses.
eventually I had a grasp on him and we trotted along. during all this there were two younger women laughing and whispering to each other. mentally I took note, emotionally I just didn't have any energy to spare on it.

The thing is from the first time someone stared/said something rude to this most recent time, I have went from being angry  to being hurt. It still stings and at times yes I still get angry  but really it just hurts. they don't see the awesome loving sweet boys that I see and know.

my  hands are full when my children are melting down/struggling my main focus is neutralizing the situation or comforting them.

I always try to remind myself that they just have no idea, The only thing I wish is in those moments is that  I could explain to them why... but also how truly loving and awesome my children are even though they have these moments of aggressive outburst. I wish I could explain how this may be hard for me but it is so much harder for them (imagine being so out of control emotionally that you lash out and can not calm down , imagine how that feels) I want to explain that they are not "bad" this is just part of the disorder and we are making strides as it was worse at different times.
I would ask them to try to be compassionate and understanding...

Working through the diagnosis two times over.

Getting the diagnosis for our first son Mr.Smiles  when he turned four was a learning experience to say the least.

basically we were handed pages and pages of everything they looked at, what he was not doing well with and ultimately his diagnosis. which included Autism,Adhd and a mood and behavior disorder.
That was it... we were left with more questions than answers and all we could get was well you can try xyz but it doesn't always work.

so I did a lot of research, and still just not a lot of answers. With Mr.Smiles we just kind of went O.K this is what he has and we are going to do everything we have to and make sure he gets the help he needs.



When The Brute was diagnosed it was a bit different, I was so afraid that our second son was going to have Autism also. I had this pit in my stomach that he would regress and be non-verbal.

This is of course exactly what happened, around the time we were having our second diagnosed things had kicked up with Mr.Smiles , he was still not sleeping  and becoming increasingly aggressive. I was sleep deprived and Sad.

when we got the final word on The brutes diagnosis, which consisted of Autism and a language disorder. I was done... tired , scared and angry. Even though the husband and I knew the autism diagnosis was coming it did not lessen the blow at all.

so I spent some time feeling terrible for feeling scared, sad and angry. When I finally decided that ok you know what this does not take away from how sweet, funny and brilliant both of my boys are!
we will have to work harder, Maybe somethings will never happen or maybe they will just come later.
But it was ok to be upset as long as we moved on and kept trying, as long as we still looked at our boys and saw all the potential they have no matter a diagnosis and as long as we accepted what was and strived to help them no matter what.

Our Second tour guide :)

In early 2014, My husband and I welcomed The brute.

he was just precious, he was a good baby a lot fussier than Mr.Smiles was but we expected them to be complete opposites. At about six months old I noticed that he went from babbling to just screaming a lot. I did brush it off thinking that I was just being hyper vigilant because of Mr.Smiles and his diagnosis.

At about 12 months old The brute did start saying momma and dada, he would also wave and say bye bye :) by 13 months all words were gone he was no longer waving bye bye, no more blowing kisses.

And... I just knew, I knew in my heart exactly what was going on. This time the hubby and I talked some here and there about it, we waited and watched.

by 14months The brute would bite his self when mad, he hardly played with toys. instead he preferred to carry them around having one in each hand. the most concerning was that he was not trying to mimic us at all and had not regained any words.

Off to the pediatrician we went, We were given a referral to a developmental pediatrician because of his age.  At 15 months we went in for a eval to check his speech. 4 hours later we left with a diagnosis of a language disorder and AUTISM..

There it was again and this time I was angry (I felt terrible feeling that way ) I was mad at this disorder and what it was taking away from my little boy. I was angry that the one thing I was so terrified of was happening. That he regressed ,  The fact that he would get so upset that he would bite his self or others.  I was terrified thinking about how, my husband and I were going to handle the needs of two boys on the spectrum.

looking back now I no longer feel bad for feeling that way, it was honest and raw and I was hurting for my boys. I wanted to take away how hard life was and would be for them. Back then I felt I was supposed to just pick up and carry on no matter what. Now ill be the first to tell you accept your feelings and work through them, YOU are not wrong for feeling them !

no one can be strong all the time.

And Here came the start of our Adventure!

My husband and I welcomed our first son into our lives in 2010. He was a great baby he talked early, walked on time was fun to be around and just all around great!

he did have his quirks like the months and months where he would cry when anyone laughed (that was fun during my wedding lol) I was also unable to change his diapers in public restrooms with out him screaming bloody murder.

The closer our Mr.Smiles got to 3 the more his behavior and lack of social  and safety awareness became apparent, He also stopped sleeping! he would maybe get 3-4 hours a night.

One day after a awful meltdown, my mom took me out for lunch. We sat and ate and she approached the subject of Autism asking me if  I had considered it as a possibility. I was relieved not only was I not the only one seeing that something just was not adding up, I finally felt like maybe we could get some answers and help for him.

weeks followed and conversations with the husband, then finally we made a pediatrician appointment.
we went over everything all of the uncontrollable tantrums, the lack of sleeping, not being able to bathe him without a huge fight and plenty more. She referred us out to a neuropsychologist for a evaluation.

Finally the day had come and we went in for the eval, half a day later and we were sent to wait for the results....

when we received the email with the detailed diagnosis, it was hard to read. Mr.Smiles not only had ADHD but there it was in black and white AUTISM... 
so reading and research and hours and hours of trying to find him the best help ensued.