Aggression..in all its glory

This is a topic that I find is usually not talked about, even though it needs to be. people get uncomfortable, shy away or just change the subject.

I want to start off by saying  every person with autism is different, our journey with Mr.Smiles and the Brute has been one that has seen plenty of aggression.

It started with Mr.Smiles he was just turning three when it really flared up. He would kick, smack  and try to punch, usually while screaming at the top of his lungs.  As he got older the aggression changed  in the way he carried it out and how we handled it change also. When he was younger we would just turn away and ignore the behavior, eventually he would run out of steam, during especially difficult aggressive outburst we would place him in his room and wait.

Now he is 3 years older over 4ft tall and almost 55lbs we can no longer ignore it when he hits or looses control. We will wrap him up holding him so that he can not hit or kick, trying to place him in his room mid meltdown is just not feasible it allows for to many opportunities for him to hurt his self or us as we are moving him.

We did seek out applied behavior therapy (A.B.A) when he turned four and they have been monumental in helping Mr.Smiles cope with his emotions and learn appropriate ways to show he is upset and to calm down instead of becoming aggressive. Now these moments are not as often and his last big one was a week span several months ago where he ended up punching out the window at his A.B.A center. They handled it wonderfully and he was okay (thank goodness). After adjusting his anti-seizure medication he seemed to level back out.  (Mr.Smiles is in A.B.A full time and home-schooled but that is a whole other blog post waiting to happen )

I know with Mr.Smiles he does not go into these moments of rage thinking I am going to hurt you, he is not planning this out. What he is , is a little boy who's emotions are way to big for him to handle and he has not quite learned to say ("enough, This is all to much and I need you help me because i'm fixing to loose it) He is a little boy with Autism and his Autism effects his ability to communicate his feelings , even though he can tell you all about sea slugs and vampire squids. He can not however  tell you when its all to much before hes already spiraling and its to late.
He is a little boy who will go into a aggressive outburst and then meltdown because he doesn't want to be that way.
Mr.Smile gets consequences when he has aggressive outburst with anyone or thing, This however does not mean that we cant be compassionate and understanding that as hard as it is for us, it is even more difficult for him. He will literally go to sleep if at home after these outburst. most of the time once he comes around hes upset with his self over it way more than we are (and believe me it takes its toll on us also)

I think that we need to talk about these types of behaviors that do often pop up when raising children with Autism because it shouldn't be taboo.  it does not mean your not parenting at your best and it absolutely does not mean your child is "bad"

the brute is really just entering his aggressive meltdowns and his include trying to bite and scratch (oh the joys)

But for every trying moment they give us. We always get ten more wonderful, sweet , loving  this is our boys moments

https://www.autismspeaks.org/sites/default/files/section_1.pdf

Working through the diagnosis two times over.

Getting the diagnosis for our first son Mr.Smiles  when he turned four was a learning experience to say the least.

basically we were handed pages and pages of everything they looked at, what he was not doing well with and ultimately his diagnosis. which included Autism,Adhd and a mood and behavior disorder.
That was it... we were left with more questions than answers and all we could get was well you can try xyz but it doesn't always work.

so I did a lot of research, and still just not a lot of answers. With Mr.Smiles we just kind of went O.K this is what he has and we are going to do everything we have to and make sure he gets the help he needs.



When The Brute was diagnosed it was a bit different, I was so afraid that our second son was going to have Autism also. I had this pit in my stomach that he would regress and be non-verbal.

This is of course exactly what happened, around the time we were having our second diagnosed things had kicked up with Mr.Smiles , he was still not sleeping  and becoming increasingly aggressive. I was sleep deprived and Sad.

when we got the final word on The brutes diagnosis, which consisted of Autism and a language disorder. I was done... tired , scared and angry. Even though the husband and I knew the autism diagnosis was coming it did not lessen the blow at all.

so I spent some time feeling terrible for feeling scared, sad and angry. When I finally decided that ok you know what this does not take away from how sweet, funny and brilliant both of my boys are!
we will have to work harder, Maybe somethings will never happen or maybe they will just come later.
But it was ok to be upset as long as we moved on and kept trying, as long as we still looked at our boys and saw all the potential they have no matter a diagnosis and as long as we accepted what was and strived to help them no matter what.